Abuse vs BDsm

healthy BDSM relationship involves mutual co-operation and consent, as well as education, discussion and respect. An abusive relationship is devoid of these aspects; instead of allowing two (or more) people to explore their deepest fantasies in a protective constructive way, they allow one person to control another without their explicit consent, and without allowing them the right to stop what is happening to them. Even those whip wielding dominatrices HAVE to stop if their submissive says they want to stop. Responsible and loving practitioners of any BDSM practice will take many measures to keep their practices safe. These include: Pre-play negations Educational workshops Having a safe word – preferably two (one for slow down, one for stop completely) Having a discussion on soft limits and hard limits, and not breaking them without full prior discussion Discussions and reassurances afterwards, particularly if a scene has gotten very emotional The use of contraceptives (unless in total agreement about not using them) Safety equipment such as first aid kits and paramedic scissors (if one person is tied up and starts to panic, releasing them quickly is of utmost importance) Abusive relationships tend to have the following characteristics: Coercion Physical/emotional abuse Loss of freedom + Isolation Of course there are many more aspects to an abusive relationship, but these are three that can be confused with BDSM. Certain people will also claim that they are practicing BDSM when they are in fact abusing their partner – this usually happens if the individual is unfamiliar with actual BDSM practices, and believes their partner is more experienced and ‘knows best’.