about my submission

As I look back on my life, I have always been a people pleaser. I have always felt better when the people around me were comfortable and had their needs met. My father had a very Dominant personality, and always demanded nothing but my best in everything. I was always striving to do anything to make him proud. As my Father passed on, I found myself empty, as I grew and began having relationships I would find myself with men whom were demanding and almost impossible to please. This continued through out my adult years. When I was in my early 20's I met a man that changed my life and made me crave something that I did not understand. I remember those familiar feelings of needing and wanting to please come rushing back and this too confused me. He added a twist that I did not expect, He punished me when i displeased him, or broke a rule he had laid down. Without knowing it I had my first taste (no matter how unhealty) of this lifestyle without knowing what it was. He started out as using anal as the utmost punishment for severe offences. It went as far as making me sit in the livingroom floor with my back to the T.V. while he would watch one of my favorite programs, to standing me in the corner, or a sound spanking with a belt. I did not understand why i craved this sort of attention and why it felt so comforting to me. So i would run from it, I would stay away weeks sometimes months at a time. I would start another relationship, and it would be missing what i had come acustom to. So no matter where I was, I would find myself calling Him begging Him to forgive me, and let me come home. He of course would with consequences to my behavior. Finally in my, ignorance of what I was, and my inability to accept that it was ok to have the feelings that I had He let me go. I stayed out of relationships for about 2 years when I had met my first husband, He was very vanilla and very abusive, it lasted for the longest 5 years of my life. A very good friend of mine took me by the hand, and sat me down He told me all about this wonderful lifestyle, He was tired of seeing me bounce from unhealthy relationships. He introduced me to the castle realm web site. I began reading, I soon realized that being submissive is not a feeling but a need, A need that is rooted deep within your soul and in your makeup as a person. That it is ok to want to please a man, to be there for him in all his needs, and it is ok for me to feel the need for correction when I fall short of being the best that I can for him and a safe way to do it. I will always be submissive, in or out of this lifestyle because it is part of who I am. I choose to want to give my gift to a man who knows what it is that I offer, one who will cherrish it, nurture it, and help it grow into something beautiful.

Bare bottom

The things I think about....(more ramblings)

I think about what I am missing out on as a submissive without the guidance of a Master. I think about the instruction and direction that I long for, The structure of a controled inviroment, The passions of the electric bond that only a Master/sub/slave can have. I so long for the deep bond and trust that is apart of such a relationship. My heart burns and aches to belong to someone for that sence of self that you can only get from such a bond. I long for the simple honesty that it holds the communication and connection. Yes I also miss the sexual side of the relationship as well. But to me the real turn on is the control side of it all, the mental aspect of the dynamics of such a relationship is so simple yet so complicated at the same time. I miss the equality of the strengths and weaknesses and the balance that a Master and a sub/slave can achive. I still strive onwards searching watching and waiting. One day this will come to me. One day I will have all of this and more. Till then I hope and dream.

ramblings

Well once again i find myself craving the lifestyle i so desire to live. I have decided to try one more online Dom, hopefully this time i found one whom will be better at this than the others. It is really difficult to find someone who really is a Dom and not just playing like it. I will keep you posted on how it pans out.

Progress

I do not come to you as a Woman or as an ethnic group, I come to you as a Mother, a Mother whom does not understand, after all the progress we have made as human beings, that we have not moved beyond hurting one another. Two of my sons live together in about one of the worst neighborhoods that one could live in. My youngest son was at home alone, while my eldest son was coaching a pee wee football game. As my son sat at home playing a video game 4 men came through the back door carrying guns, and not just little guns but assult rifles. Ordered him to hit the floor and prceeded to take everything of value that was not bolted down. I consider it an act of a higher power that my son does not lie dead today. That he had enough common sience to just let them take what ever they wanted. That he did not try to be the big hero and save everything they had worked so hard for. That we have to covet what our neighbor has so much we will just bust in your house and help ourselves. They worry about the earth being distroyed, that it is falling apart and if we do not take action the planet will not be around anymore. Well I fear that we will kill ourselves off before anything natural has a chance to kill us. Why is it that we can replace a mans heart but we can not make him love his neighbor as he loves himself? If you are tired of human on human violence pass this around to everyone you know.

A concerned parent
Karen Lee

Riddle

WHAT ANIMAL DO I SPEAK OF? Their love is like no other, their heart as pure as gold. Yet

while going on a friendly walk, they're faced with stares so cold. They're so very close to
human, in how they act and what they do. Unless you've known their devoted love, it
impossible to explain to you. They are greatly mor misunderstood, than any other breed. We
tend to punish this loyal dog, Instead of mankind's deeds. They are always and forever
clowns, with a wish for center stage. Yet while displaying this sense of humor, most people
disengage. They, oh, so want to make new friends, and run and jump and play. Yet when they
happily approach, most people shy away. Often I've seen children poke, or hop on for a ride.
And when I felt they might get mad, they've only beamed with pride. I've seen there children
yank and pull, with nary a reaction. Yet media's not interested, unless they've put someone

in traction. When other dogs have made the news, this breed's name they affix. But when this
brave dog saves the day, they call him "boxer mix". They love to snuggle up real close, to
give lots of loves and kisses, Yet they suffer more than any, from unfair prejudices. Their
tails wag hard and hips twist, too, more than any other mutts. So those of us who know the
breed, we call them "wiggle butts". What animal do I speak of, Whose love is so unique? If
you've truly known one, you know of who I speak. There is not creature on this Earth who
will ever make you merrier. The animal I do speak of, it's the AMERICAN PIT BULL TERRIER.
author unknown

The Chains I wear

The chains I wear
you can not see
they are hidden
in the deepest part
of me
The chains I wear
set me free
as long as its you
that holds the key
The chains I wear
I wear with pride
they protect the
love I hold deep
inside
The chains I wear
you can not see
they are hidden
in the deepest part
of me
The chains I wear
bind me to you
I feel your love
in everything I do
The chains I wear
keep me safe
As long as they
are there I am not
afraid

The chains I wear
you can not see
they are hidden
in the deepest part
of me