I've taken a long look at myself, I know what I want in the way of a Dom or Master. But I have lost myself as a submissive. I know that it is still in me, but it seems unreachable. It was early in my journey, as a submissive, that I was pushed back into role of a vanilla girlfriend then later a vanilla wife. Along the way I pushed all the passion I had to be a submissive deep inside me so deep that I am not sure if I can re-connect with it. It is as if I have desired it for so long and not being able to reach the goal I had set for myself it has become another unreachable dream.
My husband has decided that he wants to start putting more and more of the lifestyle back in our relationship, and that is great....but we have atempted it so many times and then abandoned it, that I am having trouble taking it seriously. I am so afraid that we would get it started and then just fall back into the vanilla rutine again that I am afraid to embrace it to surrender to it just to have it crumble around me once again. How do I get passed these feelings, so that I may once again be able to surrender myself as a submissive?
