Article; Disappointment

Last night i upset Sir, actually i really pissed him off. W/we were talking on the phone, He was being serious and i was really, honestly being a total brat, i was disrespectful,in back talking Him and correcting Him. Instantly His tone changed, it caught my attention in such a way that it immediately changed my whole demeanor. my head went down and my hands involuntarily went behind my back. Suddenly my tone became softer and i became more obedient more docile. The words he said became like tiny razor blades cutting at my heart. Honestly i have never had anyone put me in my place quicker.

When he told me i was being dominant and acting like a switch, and that i was not acting very submissive at all. It caught my breath as if he had reached threw the phone and slapped me in the face. He asked if i wanted him to train me as a switch or a Dom, OMG...my heart began to crack, the tears started to slowly trickle down my cheeks. Then he proceeded to tell me he was not at all happy with me, i could hear the disappointment in his voice. He could have beaten me within an inch of my life and it would not have hurt me near as much. And that did it i really started to cry, i had to ask for a second to compose myself.

i am very grateful to him for making me actually feel like a sub...i have not had those feelings in a very long time. i really think i may have met my match!! Have i finally found that someone whom can change this girl, who can tame me? Deep inside if i want to be honest with myself, i think i have.

conditioning

Conditioning is a form of mind control, it is very important for the Master/sub relationship, And for me the part of BDsm that really turns me on. There are 2types of conditioning, that of the mind, and sexual conditioning, which is the control of orgasms i do not understand exactly why mind control turns me on. It could be that i really get off on being told what to do when and how to do it. And the thrill of knowing if i do not do it correctly i will be punished. Physical punishment really has no effect on me considering i am a pain slut. But if you add talking to me and getting in my head with the physical punishment, then you have me hooked. Example..Standing facing the wall waiting for punishment, Master steps behind you and asks why are you being punished, you answer then he proceeds with the punishment, talking to you the entire time, telling you why it disappointed Him ect... this has proven quite effective for me. i love the idea of someone controlling me with just a look or a hand jester. i know it sounds very basic but the basic way usually gets better results.

A very long day

Yesterday, was a very difficult day for me. All week i have been able to talk to Sir either on the computer or on the phone. Well i was hardly able to talk to Him, and to my surprise i missed Him...a lot. It surprised me a great deal, i'm really not that type of person, to become caught up so quickly. There is something about Him, something that i can not put my finger on. He is different from other Doms i have talked to. He excites me, i feel full of life when we are spending time together on the phone. Hopefully i will have enough alone time today to train with Him online. i really think if i upset Him, or disappointed Him, it would hurt me to my heart.

three reasons why you would want to be released from any Dom...

The first reason i would want released from a Dom is clearly abuse, i am not a punching bag i am a submissive. The second is a breach in trust, if trust is not there then how could i submit to being tied up or blind folded? The 3rd reason is if i take the time to follow orders, and complete tasks, write emails, and be online for a session, and the Dom does not enforce those orders or take the time to check the work i have poured my heart into, or to answer a simple email then what is the point in trying to continue.

Abuse vs BDsm

healthy BDSM relationship involves mutual co-operation and consent, as well as education, discussion and respect. An abusive relationship is devoid of these aspects; instead of allowing two (or more) people to explore their deepest fantasies in a protective constructive way, they allow one person to control another without their explicit consent, and without allowing them the right to stop what is happening to them. Even those whip wielding dominatrices HAVE to stop if their submissive says they want to stop. Responsible and loving practitioners of any BDSM practice will take many measures to keep their practices safe. These include: Pre-play negations Educational workshops Having a safe word – preferably two (one for slow down, one for stop completely) Having a discussion on soft limits and hard limits, and not breaking them without full prior discussion Discussions and reassurances afterwards, particularly if a scene has gotten very emotional The use of contraceptives (unless in total agreement about not using them) Safety equipment such as first aid kits and paramedic scissors (if one person is tied up and starts to panic, releasing them quickly is of utmost importance) Abusive relationships tend to have the following characteristics: Coercion Physical/emotional abuse Loss of freedom + Isolation Of course there are many more aspects to an abusive relationship, but these are three that can be confused with BDSM. Certain people will also claim that they are practicing BDSM when they are in fact abusing their partner – this usually happens if the individual is unfamiliar with actual BDSM practices, and believes their partner is more experienced and ‘knows best’.

Submission

Submission: The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Submission is not about being used, submission is about being of use In order to be successful at anything you must first become knowledgable on the subject. Submissiveness is an often misunderstood behavior. To those who are familiar with the submissive lifestyle they know that submission is an act of personal strength and not a display of weakness. Submission should NEVER be imposed or forced upon anyone. Becoming a submissive should not be taken lightly, it is not a game to be played. It is a lifestyle choice. It is a commitment to put someones wants and needs in front of your own. It is giving yourself completely to another. It is a matter of the heart to open yourself up, to be willing to let someone else take control, to be open to change. It is about being completely honest about yourself to let someone in to your very soul. It is about servitude, it is the willingness to let go to let some one else rule your world. It is about sacrificing your self and your time to make someone else happy. To put His needs and desires ahead of your own. It is about trust and dedication. Being a submissive is not about being a doormat for people to walk on, It does not mean you are week. It takes a lot of strength and self control to become exactly what someone else needs.

Hopeful

I had all but given up on the lifestyle altogether, Then i met Him, well...for the second time. The first time we met we did not mesh at all. He seemed to me to young to be my Dom at that time, actually and honestly i now believe that i was not ready for Him. I am so ready for this to be (it). To finally have that ohhh so special man that is worthy of the gift i offer him. I begin this journey cautiously, yet full of hope that He will be the One i serve till the end of my time in this wonderful world we live in. I want to put my trust and faith in Him, and i am sure in time He will earn that faith and trust.I have waited so long for someone who wants this life as badly as i do. For now though i am a tad bit afraid, yet full of aw and wonderment.